After graduation, most look forward to taking a year off for vacation or that job already set up for them. I'm guess I'm looking forward to being homeless, or if luck permits me, maybe sleeping on someone's couch for the time being. That and I'll be blamed for the accelerated death of someone and the deterioration of a "family."
Good times.
I don't think I'll feel safe with anyone anymore. Because one day they'll just stab me in the back.
December 13, 2006 > 3:24 PM November 7, 2006 > 1:05 AM November 4, 2006 > 12:33 AM December 2, 2006 > 8:24 PM November 21, 2005 > 1:36 AM Like children, we played "house." We made a list of things we'd possibly want in our own place and among the items, some of them date back to our childhood. Things like having a treehouse. We always saw treehouses on tv shows and movies, but did we ever really know someone with an actual treehouse? Even as an adult, I still want one. With a sign that says "No Boys Allowed." Another item was The Clapper. Clap on...clap off...the clapper. I hate getting out of bed to turn the lights off. Do they even sell those anymore? Another item on the list was the softest bed on the market - the temperpedic bed (and preferably in a size bigger than twin). Ever since I was old enough to sleep in a real bed, it's always been a twin, and it's always been uncomfortable. The bed I slept on until my high school years had springs so shot, my mom would wake up in the middle of the night if I even slightly turned. The springs would also dig into my back while I slept, which was probably why I enjoyed sleeping on the floor rather than my own bed. Sleeping on the floor gave me the chance to listen to music late into the night, or Loveline, because it was further away from my mom, who was a very light sleeper and would scold me and grab my headphones away from me when she realized I was still awake.
Finally, I get my hands on Clerks 2. I made the unfortunate decision of trying to buy it on the 2nd day of release because it'd be cheaper for me, but got screwed in the end and had to have Mikey pick up a copy at a store that wasn't sold out yet.
And, for being such a devoted fan, I got my name at the end credits. There's also 9,999 other fans, but hey, I'm still on the credits of a film I love.
Here's a screen shot:
I need to watch "High Fidelity" again. I had my own mini-Rob moment of revisiting his past. Though I don't have a Top 5 most memorable breakups, in chronological order, I can say I have a Top 3 (though no breakups). Funny how Rob's last three fit the characters of mine and in chronological order. Charlie Nicholson - the one who is way out of your league. Sarah Kendrew - the one who could collectively share your sadness. And then there was Laura... It wasn't boring, but it wasn't spectacular either. It was just good. Very good.
No, those aren't the names of my top 3, but of Rob's. Watch the movie and you'll see. For now, their names will make-do as aliases.
"Charlie Nicholson": It was high school and he was just someone way out of my league. He was way too smart, too distant, too hopeless and I knew it'd just never work. I gave them the alias of C2, whose identity I still keep secret to this day. Not sure I even want to revisit that.
"Sarah Kendrew": Still fresh from the disappointment of the previous relationship, it's easy to meet someone with the same story. Everything's relatable and feelings arise. But again, it was temporary until you hear the words, "I met someone else." This is the one I revisited last night, and strangely it wasn't awkward and left me feeling content knowing that you can be friends again after 3 years.
"Laura": Laura is Mikey. It wasn't seeing-fireworks spectacular, but just very good. I never got butterflies around him like I did around others. We're expected to believe that we get butterflies around someone you're really into, but that was never the case for me. I just felt calm and not so tense around him. And I like what Rob has to say about Laura because that's what I feel too:
"Top five things I miss about Laura. One; sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all time laughs in the history of all time laughs, she laughs with her entire body. Two; she's got character. She's loyal and honest, and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character. Three. I miss her smell, and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home. Four. I really dig how she walks around. It's like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects and it's not that she doesn't care it's just, she's not affected I guess, and that gives her grace. And five; she does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep, she kinda half moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times... it just kills me. Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here."
Like Rob was to Laura, I'm kind of a dick to Mikey and being elitist when it comes to music or movies and going off on her:
Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.
Laura: No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.
Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him.
It makes me laugh to see myself that way - to get all upset about a minor detail like that, but I do.
But my favourite line in the movie, which defines everything I like about the film and relationships:
Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Laura: Delivers?
Rob: Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you, so...
For someone who doesn't watch TV, I've been watching a lot of TV. Online.
Thanks to Janice and the link she gave me to a list of all the shows posted on Youtube and other places to upload videos. I've finished the first season of Xena (I like mythology and Xena's warcry, shutup), all of the episodes posted of Dexter, all of the episodes posted of How I Met Your Mother, and I get my weekly fix of The Office since I don't own a TV here.
But the one show I've always wanted to see was Freaks and Geeks. It's been 7 years since the show debuted, and I always wanted to tune in but never knew when or where it was showing. Then the last I heard was the show getting canceled and never to be seen again. Much like Newsies, rabid fans signed a petition to get it released on DVD.
I watched a lot of TV as a kid, a lot of times about growing up in junior high/high school, but none have been too realistic. I watch Saved By the Bell and now and I'm wondering how I sat countless hours watching rerun after rerun about Preppy and the gang. I wanted to have a life like Boy Meets World where you've known your best friend and girlfriend since childhood and you lived next door to your principal who gave you sage advice throughout your life. Again, completely unrealistic.
When Freaks and Geeks was released on DVD, I saw it on the shelves of Best Buy, and almost purchased it impulsively, but never having seen a single episode of show and basing my purchase on the fanfare of the show wasn't enough to convince me to buy it. Coz sometimes it bombs, like Rushmore or anything Wes Anderson makes but everyone seems to swear by. But I've been renting the episodes by the discs and I've been addicted. I finally had some free time in my schedule and rented 6 episodes all at once and I've got one more episode to go.
It's the first time I can truly relate with a show about high school and the lead character is female. I can't remember the last show I liked that based the show around a single female lead. Like most in high school (and maybe in college), she's conflicted on where she stands. Is she a geek? A freak? It seems the "freaks" in the earlier decades meant those who smoked pot all day and didn't care how their life unfolded. The social strata consisted of the popular (jocks/cheerleaders), geeks, and freaks. I guess that still stands in high schools today. Lindsay, the lead, doesn't know where she falls, being a former geek (was in the Mathletes). So she joins the freaks though she doesn't entirely fit in with them either.
I like her character a lot. She stands up for others that seem different, like asking out the retarded kid to a dance to show others that she doesn't care what they think. It confused others who didn't know what to make of it, and I remember being a lot like that ever since elementary school. I've been told I was committing social suicide but I make friends with whom I want and no one dared to make fun of me for it. So I guess my friends have always been the "freaks" though I was in some sort of accelerated math club before and generally did very well in school like Lindsay. The guidance counselor who is always on her back to do well kind of reminds me of a professor I had, but he wasn't as pushy, just concerned that I was throwing my life away, which I was. The only difference between me and her is that I was always in control of the decisions I made. I didn't let my friends pressure me to do things I'd regret or feel bad about. The music on the show, though before my time, is awesome. It's close enough to the time that I was born that I'm able to recognize some of them and get the references to Neil Peart and such. Pays off listening to the classic rock station and having a former teacher as a huge Rush fan.
Other things I like? It makes me nostalgic. Like how parents were constantly warning their kids about not accepting unwrapped candy on Halloween because it was filled with drugs and needles. How the sex ed classes confused you more than actually help (they needed a Loveline). How all you needed was two odd, but good friends instead of a bunch of people that really weren't your friends. Or how I thought "Baba O'Riley" was called "Teenage Wasteland" too. And I like how Lindsay had the balls to kiss Nick when he was down in the dumps in order to make him feel better. I guess that's the move I never got to make because I was so far away from Mikey.
I just wish he were here to watch the episodes with me.
I live with nerds.
Generally, they would be ideal people to live with because you expect them to be quiet and studious. I picked the "24 hour quiet" building, but I think my plan backfired when the nerds went crazy with hormones.
One exception: there are twins who aren't nerds (Hollister employees, in fact) that live to my left and I never hear them except when they're arguing with each other.
Twin 1: Move!
Twin 2: No, you move, bitch!
Twin 1: No, you move you stupid bitch!
Mikey (who is with me in my room and can hear them through the walls): Why don't both you two stupid bitches move and shut the fuck up!
But I'd take the twins any day over the nerds. Before I'd side with the nerds because they'd get picked on for their quirks, but when nerds start to think they're "cool" because they're in college doesn't sit well with me. Maybe I'm being arrogant since I'm the only senior in this building, but that wasn't the case last year living here with freshman who I actually thought were really cool. Maybe because they weren't nerds. One in fact turned out to be a lesbian, which automatically puts her on my good side. But that's another story to tell.
And with every group, there's always a ring leader. The girl I dub "Big Hair" is Anthony Michael Hall's equivalent in "Sixteen Candles." She's the ring leader of the nerds that I overheard while accidentally bumping into her and her nerd posse after nearly running me over, "Oh, I don't want to kill someone today. It's too early in the day to be killing someone" then "I'm cool with the guys because I got to lay on their beds."
Said guys are the nerd guys across the hall who are one squirt away from sploshing on themselves. I don't even need to explain what that means.
I predicted that Big Hair was part of one or all these social groups in high school:
a) Band
b) Colorguard
c) Theatre
Guess what? She was in all of them. Most think having a reputation of being a cheerleader was bad. Colorguard is worse. Basically they were known as the "cheerleader rejects" who were crazy for band geeks. Big Hair also has the biggest hair I've ever seen on a white girl. Every day she's gotta straighten her hair and even then it's still big. She also was the first of the girls to hook up with a guy and I always manage to catch them making out in the common lounge, and now on the stairwell when I was going down to do my laundry. I understand that having a roommate makes it hard to have privacy, but find a car and do it there. I'm not interested in seeing two nerds suck face.
So all the nerd girls gather around and talk about the experiences of the ring leader. One of them has this horse laugh that I almost want to punch her jaw so that it'd hurt to laugh. It's not that funny. There's another that giggles at everything. And if it's one thing that I hate, it's gigglers. Giggling was ok when you were 5, but anything beyond that, it's unacceptable unless an elephant is tickling you in a dream.
Settle a score for me.
The point of a bet is to raise the stakes high. It's like gambling. Each person thinks up something the other doesn't want to do and it's a better incentive to win. I generally don't make bets if I'm not certain I won't win, but as of late, I've been taking every bet, and winning every one of them. If this was poker, I'd be the ultimate poker champion. I've won these multiple bets with the same person but he's not paying up. So I combined my winnings together for one big humiliating finale. It's my right, right?
Apparently he doesn't view bets the same way. He likes 'em boring, like "I owe you dinner/lunch." He says with bets, the winner wins, and the loser doesn't get humiliated like I want them to. But I say the winner wins and the loser loses, no matter what the task the loser has to do.
How does kissing your own brother (not in a romantic way, and on the cheek/forehead) or kissing your dog on the lips (again, not in a romantic way - unless you want to of course) be so bad?
I'm in college now but still sleep on a squeaky twin bed. But I've added mattress pads and such so that sleeping isn't such a painful experience. Maybe it's why I had so much trouble sleeping in my high school days and part of college. My mom always bought me hard bedding. Somehow she got into her head that the harder your bed and pillow were, the better sleep you got. I've changed all that now, but I'm still holding out for that bed I can just sink into.
But music no longer is what it used to be. I used to steal every moment I could to listen to music because it was the only thing that could reach me. The only time I ever listen to music now is when I'm driving back and forth from SLO to LA just so it distracts me from falling asleep. I wonder when music lost its appeal and if I'll ever regain what I used to feel.
I'm doubtful.
Everything I touch that I hold close becomes destroyed in the end.